I want it so bad I can taste it

Recently I've had this weird feeling that I may never reach my goals. Growing up I was always heavy. I don't blame anything other than myself for my weight. The reason why it's taken my 25 years to be comfortable to say I know I have a problem is because I never saw myself as over weight until now.

In the past year I feel I have change my way of thinking, my way of life, and my heath for the better. I have drastically improved my fitness and eating habits. I want to lose the weight to become healthy and attractive. I just sometimes get to stuck thinking it will never happen.

As a teenager I wanted the easy way out and that never worked. As an adult I've realized that there is no such thing as an easy way out. The only reason why I've seen results is because I exercise every day and eat right. I'm not even half way to my goal yet and it's scary.

I'm just scared I can't do it. I'm scared I will never get out of the 200lbs range. I'm scared that I will never feel 100% good about the way I look. I'm scared that the girl who I see in my head will never match the girl I see in the mirror.

I'm not trying to be negative here. I just think that when you want something so bad you can taste it, and it's a long term goal, there are times where you doubt yourself. What I do know right now is that I am motivated and I am making progress. I am going to try my hardest to keep going for as long as I possibly can.

Holiday in Review

Thanksgiving was a hit!

Although our table was smaller this year for more than one reason it was still nice. My mom went above and beyond to provide us with a tasty Thanksgiving dinner. My Pumpkin Gingerbread trifle was the highlight of the dinner. We had the trifle and cheesecake and the trifle was almost gone by the end of the weekend and the cheesecake hadn't been touched. It's a keeper!

On the weight loss subject everything is going pretty well. My mom even commented that I really look like I've lost even more weight than the last time she saw me a few weeks ago.

I am fighting off yet another cold. This one is just a sore through but I've slept in the past two days instead of going to the gym. Although I know it's not that big of a deal I still feel down. Once I got into my routine of exercising in the morning I can really see the benefits of my mood and energy when I don't go.

I hope everyone had a great day...Tomorrow is hump day :)

Holiday Receipt

I'm not much of a cook, mainly because I've never really had to be. I can follow a receipt but I am terrible about coming up with things on my own. My Mom asked me to bring a dessert for dinner so here is a receipt I found by Paula Deen:

Pumpkin Gingerbread Trifle
2 (14-ounce) packages gingerbread mix
1 (5.1-ounce) package cook-and-serve vanilla pudding mix
1 (30-ounce) can pumpkin pie filling
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 teaspoon ground cardamom or cinnamon
1 (12-ounce) container frozen whipped topping
1/2 cup gingersnaps, optional

Bake the gingerbread according to the package directions; cool completely. Meanwhile, prepare the pudding and set aside to cool. Stir the pumpkin pie filling, sugar, and cardamom into the pudding. Crumble 1 batch of gingerbread into the bottom of a large, pretty bowl. Pour 1/2 of the pudding mixture over the gingerbread, then add a layer of whipped topping. Repeat with the remaining gingerbread, pudding, and whipped topping. Sprinkle of the top with crushed gingersnaps, if desired. Refrigerate overnight. Trifle can be layered in a punch bowl.

Here is my revised (lower in fat and calories) version:

Lana's Lite Pumpkin Gingerbread Trifle
2 (14-ounce) packages gingerbread mix
1 (5.1-ounce) package sugar free vanilla pudding mix
1 (30-ounce) can pumpkin pie filling
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 teaspoon ground cardamom or cinnamon
1 (12-ounce) container frozen lite or sugar free whipped topping

Bake the gingerbread according to the package directions substituting apple sauce for oil; cool completely. Meanwhile, prepare the pudding and set aside to cool. Stir the pumpkin pie filling, sugar, and cinnamon into the pudding. Crumble 1 batch of gingerbread into the bottom of a large, pretty bowl. Pour 1/2 of the pudding mixture over the gingerbread, then add a layer of whipped topping. Repeat with the remaining gingerbread, pudding, and whipped topping. Refrigerate overnight. Trifle can be layered in a punch bowl.

I'll share my thoughts on it after the Holiday!

Turkey Day

I am looking forward to this Thanksgiving weekend. I have two days off from work, I am spending time with my parents, a good home cooked meal, and hopefully some shopping and Christmas spirit.

I've come up with a game plan as far as eating Thanksgiving lunch/dinner is concerned. Here are the rules I intend to follow:
1. Good hour long work out Turkey Day morning
2. Eat a good breakfast
3. Only snack on fruits and veggies
4. Small servings of all dishes

I am one of the crazy shoppers that is planning to hit the stores on Black Friday. My mom and I are gonna hit the stores pretty early on Friday so I wont get my AM workout in. I'll see how much walking we do and decided if I need to hit the gym later Friday night.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Stats

I've been working on the following spreadsheet this afternoon. I'm going to keep maintaining it and I'll re-post it at the end of The Pool Challange. It sounds like there will be a new challange after this one is over and if I decided to do it again I'll try to maintain this more and hopefully get some more variables.


So there you have it. Nothing really exciting but I like seeing the progress that I've made.

Seasons of change

I don't believe I've talked about the season/time change on my blog yet. Well let me tell you....I HATE it when Daylight savings time ends. There is just something that puts me in the worst mood ever than going home in the dark.

I've been feeling the ramifications of the time change for the past few weeks but I finally think I am getting back to normal again. For a while it was pretty light in the mornings but I have had the hardest times getting up to go to the gym all week. Monday I skipped, Tuesday was good, Wednesday was okay, Thursday I felt like I only worked out for 10mins and today was nothing special to talk about. None the less I was still successful at losing this week...and I lost 2.4lbs. I was down to 236.4 at one point this week but I didn't do so well yesterday with a HUGE lunch including cake at work.

Regardless I am happy. Since I think today is going to be a slow day at work I am going to try to put together a little spreadsheet of my progress. As in the Financial field I LOVE numbers and I LOVE organization.

I hope everyone has a happy Friday!

A Pain in the Rear

Okay after you read this you can feel free to call me crazy.

Lately, I've had a few issues with sitting down for an extended period of time. It could be as little as 30mins or an hour and my butt aches for sitting down too long. Now I know I've lost a lot of weight and I know my butt has gotten smaller but is the missing extra cushion I used to have making that much of a difference.

I went to the movies with my friend last night and it took everything in side of me to stay seated for two hours. I kept moving around and fidgeting in my seat because I could not get comfortable.
I really hope this wasn't TMI but has anyone else ever experienced this or do you think it's a totally separate problem?

New routine

So I've started a new project for work. It's a new location, new environment, new people and I've very excited. There is however a down fall. I used to take public transportation and now I have to drive to work. If anyone reads this bloc is from the DC Metro area they know how bad traffic is here. So to alleviate the stress of that I would take the Metro (the subway) into work everyday. There is a lot of walking involved as you could imagine. Walking to the train station, walking to the train, walking out of the station and walking to my office building. I've was worried what my decrease in walking would do to my diet. I have seen a slight decline in weight loss but I'll still losing which is what counts. I'm going to try to find new ways (i.e. walking up stairs more often) of getting in those extra steps.

In the mean time I have everyone has a great weekend. My official weigh in this morning was 239.4 so I've lost another pound this week! Yay! I'm going to push my self next week and see if I can jolt my metabolism.

Happy Monday!

I first off want to apologize for being MIA lately. Nothing tragic or exciting is going on in my life to keep me away from blogging. I just got a onto a new project at work and I have no access to the outside world. No email, no internet, no nothing and It’s driving me crazy.

My diet has been going pretty well lately. I spent all Sunday emptying out my closet of all the clothes I cannot wear anymore. I have never done that and let me tell you it feels great. Although I couldn’t get rid of them I was able to box them all up to be given away when I move out (less than a year away). I’m sure I’ll hang on to one pair of pants for good measures to reminding of what I NEVER want to be again.

I hope everyone has a very nice weekend and I hope to make more entries this week! Thanks for stickin’ with me!